One small step

They're back!  thanks goodness.  It was getting lonely here, but they survived their adventures well.  More on that later though.  Right now, I'm trying to pick out which pictures to post.  Literally, in every single picture with cousin Yale in it he's crying, and as such, I'm trying to figure out which of them are the most hilarious.  I thought it was so funny that for Christa and Bryan's holiday card two years ago they picked a picture in which yale was grumpy and pouting.  I see now that perhaps that was unavoidable.  He has quite a camera presence. 
For now though, more sienna-time.

This movie, I'm particularly proud of.  The main reason is that we picked out the perfect background music for the occasion.  Thanks kate for the radio, and see how it is enriching the most important moments of our lives. If it were more epic we'd have an oscar.

Check out those thighs.  She's growing, all right.

In Defence of Crying

Laura and Sienna are in Montrose, leaving me to my devices here in the Bozone. I miss them. A lot. Regarding Sienna, I miss cuddling with her, I miss listening to her babble, I miss dancing with her. What I miss most, however, is her crying. This is, well, unexpected. I admit that before July 17, one of my biggest worries was whether or not we could get her to stop crying. Who wants a baby that screams all the time? It's bad for your blood pressure. Likewise, there's the unconscious assumption that if a baby cries, the parents must be doing something wrong. I don't want to do anything wrong, nor do I want to be surrounded by crying. So, there's a lot of pressure to do whatever it takes to appease Sienna's cries.
Now, three months in, I'm calling bullshit on that one. Granted, a kid can't learn if she's crying constantly, but her crying isn't the same as my crying. In order to get me to cry constantly, it takes a lot (AT LEAST five minutes into "UP"), but not her. Sienna's cry is her voice, and all she's saying is "Let's do something about _____." At the biological level, if she's crying, it means she's okay. It's when she stops crying that we need to worry (babies that don't cry in the ER scare me). I hope that she keeps crying her whole life. Recognizing dissatisfaction is perhaps the most basic function of life. Without it, you die. Her cries mean she's alive, and I don't mean biologically, but spiritually. If you don't cry, it means that you think everything is hunky-dorey (sp?). And guess what, things aren't hunky-dory (sp?). At the macro-level, the world has problems, and we need more people calling foul on them. We need more people crying. Sienna's a happy little girl, content. But she knows when something is wrong. I hope that she doesn't lose this. Keep crying sweetie, we're listening. Let's work together to make things hunky-doeree (sp?).

More pictures when the girls get back. I guess sienna has started to do the assisted walk. What? That's not supposed to happen for months. Must be a phase. She's not rolling over like she used to, after all.


A poem, to the babe:


There once was a girl we named Squeek,
Who poops in her pants thrice a week.
We clean her up well,
To get out the smell,
Or else her small butt starts to reek!

Crunk Juice

Hmmmmm, what updates?  just more of the same trends.  smiling more, but also crying a lot more.  sick again, so that helps the cry factor.  grabbing a lot more.  our book says she's pre-teething, which explains the fussiness, drooling, constant oral fixation, etc.  Did I mention that she's sleeping in her own bed?  I don't remember.  Last week we introduced her to the crib, and actually she did great.  harder to put her down... maybe an extra half hour of comforting, but then she's out all night.  the odd feeding here and there, but generally laura's getting more sleep, as is she (daddy's not so much).  so that's great, not the epic process as we were expecting.  I suppose the main reason we made the switch was that laura didn't want to go to bed at seven anymore (since we didn't want sienna alone in the bed).  I told her she was being selfish, and she told me to bugger off, and I told her to shove it, and she dared me to say that one more time.  I didn't.  So sienna's doing great.  harder for me to calm her down in ways that buy time (you know, "i wanna finish this movie but she's crying, so if I can bounce her for ten minutes then I'll get to see the good guys vanquish the alien-demons."  instead, i just don't get to watch the good guys vanquish the alien-demons).
here are some cute pictures:

This little number Maude knit out of bamboo.
It's sienna's favorite, and ours.  Unfortunately, momma
tried to fit her arms through the sleeves and ripped it.
just kidding maude, thank  you!

No, this isn't her halloween costume, but it could be.
we were having lamb for dinner that night and
thought we'd dress her up for the occasion.
doesn't she look delicious?

 Introducing, Ninja Baby:
"Is this how you pictured your death?
Well is it?"

Intimacy

Before having a baby, people mention all kinds of things to you.  "It'll change your life forever." "You never knew you could love someone this much." "Don't let her take advantage of you." "Stick to your guns." "Wonderful!" "On purpose?"  "Better you than me." etc. There are as many different parenting experiences as there are people, and advice or stories are often helpful but they need to be tailored to your individual situation.  No piece of advice is groundless, nor is any completely applicable.  We're on our own, while at the same time we're only doing what billions of people have done before us. 

But no one ever said anything about intimacy.  In my own life, there were different levels of intimacy with the different people in my life, though I never would describe my relationships as such until I was older and they became romantic.  What a new world it was, being so vulnerable and yet so comfortable with another human.  But what I knew as intimate was often informed by some sort of sexuality, and the two were interconnected.  When sienna was born, and in the months since, I have had to redefine what it means to be intimate.  On the one hand, I feel the same vulnerability as she teaches me of my weaknesses, and so too do I enter a space in which secrets don't exist.  On the other hand, however, sexuality absent.  Completely absent.  It's something different, and it almost feels more pure.  There's no pretense, no path.  It's like those rare instances in which you can float on your back in warm water, staring up at the stars alone.  In those moments, there is nothing else.  Time and space become irrelevent because they are no longer bolstered by intention or history.  I am treated to these treasures throughout the day with Sienna, and such a connection is both unexpected and magical.  They plant seeds in me, a kind of a faith or hope.  Surely, as time progresses, this intimacy will be lost, and I will look back longingly at the times we had together.  I know that they will never come again, just as I know now that she will remember nothing of them.  I can't help but feel sadness.  If only we remembered...
Early on in laura's pregnancy I realized that we, as someone's child, have no concept for how much our parents love us.  It doesn't matter how much you love them, because it'll never approach what they feel for you. Ever.  Things come into focus, then.

We love you sweety, though you'll never know how much.  I just hope you can someday love as we do.

Play Date

Friends of ours from Books and Babies at the library have a daughter, Luka.  She was born in May, though is still a bit larger than most nine month olds.  In fact, she started to bully me and I caved by giving her my lunch money.  She's hilarious, and loves to lick things with her big tongue. Though she was gracious and cleaned all of our toys for us, we went ahead and washed them again to be sure. I used to guide with her father on rainier, and if you knew him you'd be able to tell exactly who i'm talking about by looking at Luka.  A very striking family.  This was Sienna's first play-date.  She had fun, though I think primarily because she got mommy-daddy time.  they both seemed rather uninterested in each other. also note sienna's cute outfit.  a lady at the coop pulled us aside saying that we had to enjoy dressing her up while we could- it was one of life's most precious gifts.

toys, toys, everywhere!  Sienna is only now taking
a mild interest in toys. but still, not really.  Here,
she shows off her dainty hand bag, a can lid.



On the right, you can see the elephant that amelia hand-knit sienna.
how awesome is that?

And this was hilarious.  Though admittedly, laura found it way funnier then sienna, and a little more amusing than luka.  We did the the flying sheep routine for a solid 20 minutes before i had to go to class.

Like Mother...

Too Damn Cute.

Ultra-Cute Hiccup-Face

So, if you haven't seen a baby hiccup, you gotta check it out.  it's awesome!  Note that she is surprised/amused/bewildered/comforted by them.  That's what I like best.

Also, I forgot this little tidbit from lolly n brad's wedding.  So the speakers were a little loud for sienna's little ears, so the three of us went outside the courtyard area to dance in the grass (which as many of you know, we probably would have done anyway given that we each require 25 square yards of dance floor space to adequately bust a move).  It was in view of the maine area, and after a few songs, it was reported to us that somone had said, "man, I don't know if they were invited or not, but they sure can bust a move."  We decided that if we lived in denver, we would go to chatfield every saturday and crash the party.   Who can say no to a little pudding snack?  (that's sienna, not me)